According to Chat GPT the definition of “Fear” is as follows: an emotional response to a perceived threat or danger. It can be triggered by real or imagined situations and often leads to physiological changes—such as increased heart rate, heightened alertness, and a rush of adrenaline as part of the body's "fight or flight" response.
Until recently, I believed I had moved past most of my fears, until the other day, when I had no choice but to drive for the first time since my accident back in January. For over 30 years, driving had been second nature to me. I’d navigated everything from chaotic city traffic to winding country roads without hesitation. At one point, I even lived out of my 1991 Volkswagen Vanagon, traveling coast to coast without a single incident.
Getting into the vehicle that day might seem like a small step, but for me, it created a lump in my throat and tightness in my chest. I certainly felt “physiological changes” just like the definition explained.
I lingered in front of the garage door. This was the moment when my “fight or flight” response kicked in, again just like the definition describes. I stood there, caught between two choices: cancel my appointment, stay home, and avoid the fear altogether, or open the garage door, get in the car, and take off.
I eventually made it to my roommate’s car, the one I borrowed for this short drive. I sat there, keys in the ignition, overwhelmed. The tears came and I let them fall. I took a deep breathe, released, and then cried some more. When I finally felt the wave pass, I took a few more deep breaths and slowly pulled out of the garage.
Living in a small town helped—no big intersections or traffic lights, just a quiet path to physical therapy and a few short errands. Baby steps.
While I’m proud I did it, I’ll be honest: the thought of highways or busy roads still makes me nervous. It’s humbling how fear reshapes what once felt easy. I never imagined I’d be scared to drive, but trauma has a way of rewiring the familiar. It doesn’t care how experienced or confident you once were.
Here’s what I want you to know: When fear shows up, don’t pretend it’s not there. Let yourself feel it, but don’t stay there.
And for those living with an ostomy, fear can show up in new ways: fear of how you’ll be perceived, fear of being vulnerable, fear of the unknown. Whether it’s wearing a swimsuit, going on a date, or just stepping out in confidence, fear can appear.
If fear is holding you back, try this:
- Feel it without judgment. Your fear is valid. Naming it softens it.
- Break it down. Start small—one action at a time.
- Breathe through it. Fear lives in the body; breath can calm it.
- Visualize success. See yourself on the other side of the hard thing.
- Reach out. Saying “I’m scared” out loud is a powerful release.
You are not alone. And even in your fear you are strong, brave, and still moving forward.